This Sunday I’ll be running my 4th (or 5th, I can’t remember) half marathon. I have never been a big runner so my motto for this long and painful run is…
To Finish is to Win
A couple facts about my relationship with running:
1. I only do one half marathon, once a year – The Rock and Roll Half Marathon: Don’t ask me to sign up for every race over a 5k that you get the sudden urge to sign up for, I’m not doing it. I’m not a runner, I don’t want to run a marathon and I don’t think running through fire and mud sounds fun.
2. I always map out my training plan and never follow through: Every year I get out a calendar and write out how many miles I’m supposed to be running each day and every year about a week and a half into it I quit.
3. I hate the Expo: Having to navigate through McCormick Place to pickup my bib is almost more painful than the actual run. I don’t want any free samples, I don’t want to hear about the latest and greatest running gear and I’m not about to stand in link for 45 minutes to get a free 5 minute massage in a giant room full of strangers.
4. This is a family thing: I sign up, pick up my packet and start the race with my brother, Mark follows along on his bike and we go to breakfast with my family afterwards. That’s nice that you and thousands of other people signed up to run this race as well but no, after fake training alone for months I don’t want to spur of the moment run together. There’s no way my 12 minute mile time is ever going to keep up with your 7 minute mile and I don’t want to try.
5. I do this for the post run breakfast: Pancakes, stack em up. Eggs, I’ll take two. Sausage, throw a couple on the side! This is the one meal all year I earned and I’m gonna enjoy it! After the sweaty, delicious breakfast feast I’m heading straight home to shower and nap so no thanks, I’ll have to pass on day drinking. Going to a bar and drinking for hours after the race is the last thing on my mind. I’ll be in bed icing my body down for the next two days, thanks.
My mid run thoughts:
Start: “This isn’t going to be that bad, I’m in better shape than I thought.”
Mile 3: “Hmm, I thought by now we’d be all the way in the south loop.”
Mile 6: “What was I thinking.”
Mile 7: “I’m never signing up for this ever again.”
Mile 8: “I wonder if there’s a shortcut I can take without anyone noticing I’m cheating.”
Mile 9 “Only one more mile.”
Mile 10: “WTF how do I always forget this is 13.1 miles, not 10.1!”
Mile 11: “Never ever again!”
Mile 12: “I have to finish, only one mile left!”
Mile 13: “Pretend like you don’t hurt/want to die/regret not training for this in front of all these people waiting at the finish line.”
Finish Line: “That was the best experience of my life. Give me that medal, I’m a champion! Look at all this fun free stuff they are handing me!”
I’m not the best, fastest, most dedicated runner out there but for some reason I continue to sign up for the half marathon every year. I am currently dreading having to pick my bib up on Friday and really looking forward to my Sunday afternoon nap. It’s going to be a long week!